Toxic productivity is the relentless drive to always be doing more, achieving more, and pushing harder, often at the expense of our well-being. It's the idea that our worth is tied to our output and that rest is synonymous with laziness.
It's an exhausting way to live, yet it's been normalised. Conforming to this status quo means constantly striving to meet unrealistic expectations, often set by societal norms that glorify busyness and hustle culture.
Add to that being a mid-life, late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman, and the challenges are amplified - Feeling constantly overwhelmed and tired can become our normal.
The pressure to fit into a neurotypical mould, combined with the constant juggling act of work, home, and personal life, can lead to feeling constantly overwhelmed and tired.
Our nervous systems, our bodies are not designed for this constant level of stress and can get stuck in a state of constant dysregulation where we always feel braced for the next crisis and swing wildly from activated and frantic to frozen and crashed out.
But it doesn't have to be this way! If you can get a handle on your nervous system, you can take back control and get off the boom-and-bust rollercoaster of burnout.
What is Nervous System Dysregulation?
Our nervous system is designed to help us respond to stress and return to a state of calm. However, when we are perpetually stressed, we can get stuck in a state of dysregulation. This means our body remains in a heightened state of alertness, unable to relax and recharge.
Here are some of the ways toxic productivity results in a stressed-out nervous system.
Constant Stress and Pressure
Living under the constant stress of toxic productivity keeps our bodies in a fight-or-flight mode. This is manageable in short bursts, but chronic stress keeps our nervous system on high alert, preventing it from returning to a state of calm.
Lack of Rest and Recovery
When rest is seen as a weakness, we skip breaks, cut short our sleep, and ignore the need for downtime. This lack of recovery time leads to burnout and an overwhelmed nervous system.
Ignoring Bodily Signals
We often push through feelings of tiredness or discomfort, ignoring our body’s signals. This disconnect between mind and body makes it harder for our nervous system to self-regulate.
Emotional Suppression
Suppressing our emotions to maintain productivity prevents us from processing and releasing stress, leading to a buildup of unprocessed emotions and further dysregulation.
Lack of Autonomy and Joy
When we lack control over our tasks and find no joy in our daily activities, it creates a sense of helplessness and chronic stress.
Social Isolation
Isolation from social connections in favour of work can lead to feelings of loneliness and stress, exacerbating nervous system dysregulation.
The Impact of Dysregulation: How It Feels
When our nervous system is dysregulated, we might experience:
Chronic Fatigue: Feeling exhausted, even after a full night's sleep.
Anxiety: Persistent feelings of worry and unease.
Irritability: Being easily frustrated or angered.
Difficulty Concentrating: Struggling to focus or remember things.
Physical Symptoms: Headaches, muscle tension, or digestive issues.
Often, the cumulative effect of these symptoms can push us into feeling more stressed and dysregulated, meaning we can't perform in our business, jobs and relationships as well as we want to, so we feel more inadequate and try to do more things, resulting in more overwhelm and stress.
So, what can break the cycle and support your nervous system to feel less stressed and more supported?
Prioritising Self-Connection: A Path to Regulate Your Nervous System
Focusing on and prioritising self-connection can help our nervous system find balance and peace. Here’s how:
Listen to Your Body
Pay attention to what your body is telling you. Are you tired? Take a break. Are you stressed? Find a way to relax. Honour your body’s signals.
It may sound oversimplified and you may feel like there are many barriers to you doing this, but the truth is your body has needs and there are no long-term, sustainable hacks to get around them. Ignoring your body's needs for too long, and it will force you to rest by shutting down and becoming sick.
Embrace Joy
Your joy is sacred! You do not need to "earn" your joy or squeeze it into tiny pockets at the weekends once all your chores are done (spoiler alert - the chores are NEVER done). Taking time to be playful and do things for pleasure signals to your nervous system that things are safe and it can relax.
Engage in activities that bring you pleasure and satisfaction. Whether it's a hobby, spending time in nature, or connecting with loved ones, joy is a powerful antidote to stress.
Prioritise Rest
Ensure you get enough sleep and take regular breaks throughout your day. Rest is crucial for recovery and maintaining a regulated nervous system.
It may be boring and obvious, but it is so important! if you need help with better sleep habits, check out this blog on improving sleep and there is more on the seven types of rest you need here.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are as much about what you let in as they are what they keep out. Healthy boundaries are about protecting your most valuable resources - what I call your TEAM - Time Energy Attention and Money - and protecting those resources may mean telling people No, but it may also mean reaching out and asking for help.
Remember, don't let your boundaries be so tight that they block you from receiving love, help and support
Foster Connections
Nurture your relationships and seek out social support. Connection with others can help mitigate feelings of isolation and stress. None of us are alone in our journey through midlife, and yet it can feel that way as we all get so busy trying to keep afloat, that we don't take the time to reach out and connect with others.
Scrolling on social media can feel like connection, but is it the rich, deep and supportive connection you crave and deserve? If you are looking for something more, a space and community that will be there for your highs and lows, please check out The Regulation Room Membership - A sanctuary of calm for mid-life neurodivergent women to connect with themselves and each other.
Final Thoughts
Breaking free from the grip of toxic productivity and conformity isn't easy, especially for neurodivergent women who have spent years trying to fit into a neurotypical world. But by prioritising self-connection, we can start to heal and regulate our nervous systems, allowing ourselves to thrive in a way that honours our unique needs and strengths.
Remember, you are more than your productivity. Embrace your differences, listen to your body, and create a life that celebrates who you truly are.
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