Autistic and ADHD Christmas overwhelm, why it feels so hard and what helps

By the time mid December rolls around, something often feels off.

The lights are up, the calendar has filled itself without asking, and your inbox is suddenly full of things that are apparently urgent.

There are mince pies everywhere, and alongside them a quiet expectation that you should be enjoying all of this festive frivolity.

If instead you feel tense, snappy, flat, tearful, wired, or oddly numb, you’re not doing Christmas wrong.

You’re experiencing autistic and/or ADHD Christmas overwhelm, and it makes a lot of sense once you look at what your nervous system is being asked to cope with.

For many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD people, December isn’t cosy or restful. It’s a high demand season that arrives at exactly the point in the year when bodies are meant to be slowing down. Nature is conserving energy, hibernating, resting. Humans, meanwhile, have built a culture that accelerates, socialises, spends and performs harder than ever.

Why autistic and ADHD Christmas overwhelm is so common

The festive season, as it exists in a capitalist culture, is organised around output rather than regulation. There is more of everything - more plans, more noise, more people, more decisions, more pressure to show up in a particular way. For nervous systems that already work hard to process the world, this combination can quickly become overwhelming.

Autistic and ADHD Christmas overwhelm is often fuelled by a familiar mix of factors. Routines are disrupted and plans change at short notice. Sensory input increases, such as lights, music, crowds, smells and textures, competing for attention. Social demands rise, along with the need to mask or manage other people’s expectations. Family dynamics can resurface old roles and patterns, while financial pressure and constant decision-making drain already limited energy.

There is also an expectation that things must be just so - the pressure to have the perfect day with perfect gifts and a perfect meal with the perfect family can feel crushing. Many of us also carry trauma around what Christmas was like as a child; navigating tricky family dynamics and avoiding drama is exhausting, and having a massive hit to your bank balance in a time of financial crisis can be A LOT to handle.

Your nervous system doesn’t experience this as a festive treat. It experiences it as unpredictable, demanding and, at times, unsafe. When that happens, it responds in the only way it knows how - it acts to protect.

How the nervous system responds to festive stress

When your nervous system senses threat or overload, it shifts into survival mode. This might show up as fight (feeling irritable, snappy, controlling or perfectionistic); it might look like flight (staying constantly busy, avoiding rest, overdoing or disappearing into scrolling); or it might arrive as freeze (shutdown, numbness, exhaustion or brain fog).

These responses are not signs of weakness or failure. They are automatic physiological states designed to keep you safe when your nervous system perceives high levels of stress associated with a dangerous or threatening situation - the problem is that modern life, and demand-filled December in particular, rarely allows those reactions to resolve fully - as they would in other animals when they experience a stress response. This is where the stress cycle and being able to complete it fully becomes important.

What the stress cycle is and why it matters

The stress cycle is a concept described by Emily and Amelia Nagoski in their book Burnout, and it’s rooted in neuroscience and physiology. It describes what happens in the body after stress has been activated.

When your nervous system detects a threat, real or perceived, your body releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol to help you cope. This is helpful in the moment. However, unless your body receives a clear signal that the threat has passed, it remains in a heightened state rather than returning to calm.

In the wild, stress cycles complete naturally. An animal runs, fights, shakes, collapses, and rests. In humans navigating a hectic December, the stressor ends on paper - the meal finishes, the meeting ends, the visit is over, the shopping trip is done - but the body moves straight on to the next demand without ever getting the message that it is safe again. We pile on stress after stress, moving from one overwhelming thing to the next without a pause in between that allows our nervous system to catch up and stand down.

Over time, this leads to accumulated stress, burnout and a deep sense of autistic and ADHD Christmas overwhelm.

Completing the stress cycle during the festive season

Completing the stress cycle isn’t about calming your thoughts or having a better attitude.

It’s about helping your body discharge stress and return to regulation. This is a physiological process, not a moral one, and it works best when it’s kind, realistic and repeated often. Here are some ways no matter how much spare time you have that can help you complete the stress cycle...

Small moments matter just as much as longer practices.

If you only have a few minutes before more relatives turn up, there are ways to support your nervous system that you can do quietly, in public or private:

• Slowing your breathing, especially lengthening the out breath, can help signal safety - try four rounds of box breathing - breathe in for a count of 4; hold for a count of 4; breathe out for 4 and hold for 4 before repeating.

• Pressing your feet firmly into the floor or tensing and releasing muscles gives your body clear physical feedback. Scan your attention up your body from toes to scalp, tensing and then releasing muscles as you go, slowing your breath to match

• Shaking out your hands, unclenching your jaw or softening your face can release held tension. This is a great one to do in the loo or where you have some privacy, or pop on some music and dance it out - paper hats optional!
  

• Grab a hug from someone you know gets you. A 20-second hug is all it takes to release some of that wonderful oxytocin - the feel-good hormone - that can help connect you with a feeling of safety again. Maybe make a pact with an understanding loved one that you may need a hug without question at some point.
  

• Even gently reminding yourself, “I’m safe right now,” can help orient your nervous system back to the present. Say it out loud if you can as your brain will process the sound of the words in a different way to the thought alone, supporting you to really connect to that sense of safety.

When you have a little more time, around ten to fifteen minutes, movement and expression can be especially effective:

• A brisk walk, stretching on the floor, or moving your body to music that matches your mood can help complete the stress response. Moving your body in gentle ways that feel good will support your nervous system to complete that stress cycle and drop back into safety.
  

• Writing out exactly what you’re fed up with, without filtering or fixing, allows emotional stress to move. Try not to edit or censor yourself - the words you write can be ripped up straight away with no one else needing to see them, so no judgement for you honest feelings - just the simple opportunity to express them, and release them.
  

• Warmth, through a shower, bath, blanket or heat on your back, can be deeply regulating. Taking the time to pause and indulge in soothing warmth signals safety and calm for your nervous system. Hugging a warm mug and taking slow sips can also be enough.

  
  

If you’re able to plan in longer periods of thirty minutes to an hour, these can act as more substantial nervous system resets.

• Intentional rest without additional input gives your body a chance to settle. Schedule in some downtime where you are free from the expectations of others, no to-do list and allow yourself to do whatever you want - pure indulgence!
  

• Gentle embodied practices like yoga or tai chi, time outside even in cold or grey weather, or creative activities without outcome all support regulation. Anything that supports you to slow down, pause and reconnect outside of autopilot will signal safety for your nervous system.
  

• Safe connection, being with someone you don’t have to perform for, can also help the nervous system complete the cycle. Plan in some time with people who accept you for who you are, so you can drop the mask, connect on a deeper level and feel validated for being you.
  

• Build in buffer zones and crumple zones. If you know there are inevitable periods of time that are going to feel stressful, build in some buffer zones and crumple zones to protect yourself and make things feel sustainable. Buffer zones are spaces before and after events where nothing else can get booked in, so you have time to breathe, prepare and prioritise things that nourish you. Crumple zones are like those areas designed to collapse in a crash - i.e periods of time after high stress events where you can do absolutely nothing, allowing you to zone out and intentionally disconnect for a while before diving back in. This might be a whole day, it could be a couple of hours - the important thing is it's you making the decision with intention before your body makes the choice for you and knocks you down harder and longer.

Letting go of self judgement around Christmas stress

Alongside the physical stress of December, many autistic and ADHD people carry a quieter but heavier burden, the story that they should be coping better. Thoughts like "everyone else manages this", "I should be enjoying it", or "why am I so bad at December?" add a layer of shame to an already overloaded system.

Autistic and ADHD Christmas overwhelm is not a personal failing. It is a natural response to an intense environment. Meeting that response with judgement only increases stress. Meeting it with kindness creates the conditions for regulation.

A gentler internal narrative might sound like, "my nervous system is responding to a lot, it makes sense that this feels hard", I can support myself through this". That shift alone can reduce the stress response by removing the judgment and creating space for acceptance of you, your needs and the preferences.

You can get through this

December, as we currently do it, asks too much. It prioritises productivity over rest and performance over regulation. If you’re finding it hard, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body is paying attention and desperately trying to flag you down and check in.

You can get through this season by listening to your nervous system, completing the stress cycle in small, doable ways, and releasing the idea that you’re meant to feel any particular way about it.

You don’t need to fix yourself.

You need to care for the nervous system you already have.

And that is enough.