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Starting Over

This weeks guest blog is from Tiffany Johnson of The Female Phoenix.

Tiffany Johnson is a straight talking, no fluff Business Coach working with female founders across the country.

She is an advocate of showing up as yourself online and empowering women to see that you can have a small business and a big personality!

Tiffany is NLP & CIPD qualified with a MSc in HR Management and seventeen years’ experience in corporate sales.

Through her coaching and workshops, she aims to arm women with the skills and confidence to carve out their career in whatever way feels right for them.

It is true what they say, when you walk down the aisle you never think for one minute, you’ll get divorced. Yet the latest ONS figures in 2019 tells us it happens to 42% of marriages, naïvely I never assumed I would fall into those statistics.

I married my childhood sweetheart and had the most perfect wedding I had always dreamed of - what could possibly go wrong? Well, when you think about it, is it too big of an ask for two people to go through their entire lives and always grow together and never grow apart? Who knows?

For anyone who goes through a separation or divorce you will know that it is many things; life altering, it deeply affects your sense of self and makes you question everything.

around you in an Armageddon kinda way. The breakdown of your marriage and losing your spouse is one relationship that changes, but you will be surprised that you can be ostracised from family and friends too.

One of the things I’ve learnt as I’ve clocked up the last five years in my life is that people will always have an opinion on your life, so you should do what makes you happy. You’ll be damned if you do, damned if you don’t by somebody, so don’t give that power to anybody.

Luckily, I’m not someone who deals with anxiety or depression on a regular basis, but my marriage split saw me at my lowest ebb. Like I said, nobody enters a marriage expecting to leave it and I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything that can prepare you for it, even if it’s your decision to end it.

The last three years have been the Pepsi Max rollercoaster equivalent of emotions, but the self-discovery journey I’ve been on both willingly and unwillingly has shown me I’m far stronger than I ever thought possible. So, I wanted to talk to you about the three biggest things I’ve learned since I decided to restart my life in case you ever find yourself in my shoes.

Firstly, realise that the greatest friend you’ll ever have, is yourself.

When you are being tested in life, the amount of time you spend in your own head seems to multiply tenfold, or it did for me. How you speak to yourself becomes more important than ever. Take the compassion you would so willingly show to your friends and extend it to yourself; you deserve it. Don’t put your happiness in the hands of anyone else but yourself.

My Dad once gave me one piece of advice that stuck with me which is: “if you listen to other people’s advice, you will make other people’s mistakes” and it’s true. Do yourself a favour and back yourself.

Next, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and do something different.

In the middle of May in 2019 I did something I never thought I’d do. I moved to Wales, two hours away from my hometown. I shocked myself - that was something other people did, not me, I am too much of a homebody! But when I met my new partner who wanted me to move in with him, I just decided to go for it - it was time for a fresh start.

That was two years ago, and I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Of course, in the beginning there were moments of feeling isolated, being homesick and missing friends and family but that was outweighed by adventure, meeting new people and the feeling of freedom that never gets old. So, I’m telling you this: if you get the chance to step out of your comfort zone, grasp it with both hands. When all said and done, if its works then great and if it doesn’t, what’s the worst that could happen?

Lastly, remember that other people will only see for you, what they can see for themselves.

If you have big dreams, don’t let others make you feel like YOU can’t reach them just because they wouldn’t have the balls to try in the first place. You don’t need other people to get on board and be happy with the life you are creating for yourself, the only person who needs to be happy with your life is you.

Quite frankly it’s worrying how people think they have a better understanding of what you should do in a situation that you have to live in, than you do.

Don’t be so busy listening to the sounds of everyone else’s opinion that you drown out the sound of your own voice, because that’s the most important one.


If you’d like to follow more of Tiffany’s journey, you can find her over on Instagram on @thefemalephoenix or visit her website

If you’re interested in working with Tiffany, you can do so through 1:1 coaching, Instagram Reels workshops or purchasing her small business product box, all of which you can find more details about on Instagram.


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